I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
