Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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