we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Randomize
