She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
