I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
