I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
