I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
