So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
