I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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