I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
