i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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