He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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