when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
