Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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