Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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