chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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