He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
