Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Two words: blizzard sex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize