I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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