he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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