it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
