if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
