How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
