I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
