I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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