'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
