The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
