I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
