Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
organizing the empties. That sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
