he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
