even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
