its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
