My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
wow bdsm is so cute
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
