you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Come on in and take your pants off
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