yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
