I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
