eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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