What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
