I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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