Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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