yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
