I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
