you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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