One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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