jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We need a shit load of segways right now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
