who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
