video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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