I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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