also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
