how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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